Nairobi News


4 ‘rules’ to follow if you are going to get back with an ex lover

By Winnie Mabel February 5th, 2024 2 min read

And then sometimes, getting back with an ex happens- even after swearing up and down, you would never reunite with someone who tore your heart to pieces.

Some people end up making the decision to get back with an ex because they have a fear of the unknown.

What if people are weirder or more toxic out there and only use people in casual relationships? What if you end up being a one-night stand? What if you can’t find someone better than your ex?

To avoid all this mental and emotional anguish, some people prefer to swallow their pride, bitterness, and hurt and just walk back into the arms of the one who showed them heaven and hell on earth.

Better the devil, you know, right? Well, if you are one of these people who find reuniting with an ex easier- maybe out of an abundance of fear, of love, or simply deciding to settle for them because you don’t have the energy to dive into the dating pool- here are some ‘rules’ that should govern you if you decide this is the path for you:

  1. Top on the list must be the setting of boundaries; otherwise, the character development that boxed you well well the first time around will roam the earth, gathering its relatives and returning to destroy you even ‘worser’. Because you know what is up and down when it comes to being in a relationship with the person, confidently set boundaries that will determine what is allowed, what isn’t, what things are off-limits, and what behaviors will not be tolerated again. This time, you are in the relationship with your eyes wide open because love will not blind you as it did the first time around.
  2. Because you fought and everything you weren’t able to say during the relationship was finally said during the breaking up phase, going back in, you now know that you need constant open and honest communication- even about the small things before they snowball into mountains. Decide on how you will be communicating with each other and what strategies you will use to ensure one is heard and one’s sentiments acted upon instead of it being passing conversations.
  3. As you go back to your ex, this time around, put yourself first. If you were the partner who did everything, planned for everything, and loved harder than they did, this time, put yourself first. Prioritize your personal growth outside of the relationship such that when your ex is not around, you are fine and thriving. Do not link your identity to your relationship like you did the first time around. Let your ex be an addition to your life, not the main topic.
  4. Trust may be hard to come by the second time around with your ex. You may have some level of trust, but it will never be the same as before because you are both jaded by the breakup. This time around, actively work together to rebuild the trust using actions instead of just words. Actions speak louder than words in this instance. Both of you should strive to be open, accountable, and transparent in your actions if you intend for the relationship to work and not end up in the gutter like the first time.

Do you have any more ‘rules’ that exes should follow if they get back together?