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BLOG: Give brides practical advice, I’m learning things the hard way

By NAIROBI WIFE November 8th, 2018 2 min read

Little did I know, that when I was planning a wedding and being told how I should treat my husband in order to have a long and happy life together, that trouble was brewing elsewhere.

Never was I warned that this man that was marrying me would be the easiest person from that vast family to deal with.

When young brides and brides-to-be are ‘prepared’ for matrimony, they are only told the theoretical aspects of what to expect.

It reminds me of the time I was in a journalism class and had teachers who had never worked in the field as journalists themselves. They would only teach us what they had read about in the books. When I finally got into the profession, I was shocked to discover that I had only gained at most 10 percent of the things I needed to know to work in the field. I am finding that the case is similar in marriage.


Brides are told, ‘treat your man with respect’ without the imparter of this knowledge explaining or giving an example of what this means. It can mean anything, from never disagreeing with him (or letting him know that you disagree with him) to kneeling down whenever you serve him food.

Also, they are always told to be ‘respectful and loving to their in-laws all the while maintaining boundaries with them’. Does that mean that you never invite them to your house? Does boundaries in this case mean physical borders? Don’t live near them?

Another common and very vague piece of advice those entering matrimony are offered is to be careful of your friends. They do not tell you how to look out for the ‘bad’ friends nor do they let you know which ones are keepers. One is left to figure it out on their own, yet maybe they and already seen clues into the real characters of the people around you.

Something else that the soon-to-be-married are never warned about is that they will be the face of the family and if anything goes wrong it will be blamed on them. These poor souls are not told how they are supposed to deal with these pressures and that eventually they should just stop listening to outside forces and just focus on themselves and their families.


There are many more lessons that I wish I had gotten a detailed education on, but unfortunately, I have to learn things the hard way, through experience.

I recently went through something and I called out my husband and mother on why they did not warn me about the issue beforehand. My husband laughed, yet it was an issue involving him and my mum just told me to brace myself for more instances like that.

At the end of the day, I look like a bad person because some people did not get what they wanted and they think it is all because of me.

So, next time you want to give somebody advice, don’t give them the text book version, even the unmarried can do that. Use real life experiences with which one can relate. If you do not feel like doing this, then you might as well keep your advice to yourself!