BLOG: Here is a nice New Year challenge for all Nairobi husbands
With the coming of the New Year, new and more advanced attitudes, philosophies and ideas should follow. We should think ahead and leave detrimental and outdated ideologies in the past.
I am not a person that really believes in New Year resolutions, because I know it is very hard to keep them, but in a specific case, I am willing to reevaluate my stand on the issue.
On Saturday, my family and I attended a friend’s wedding. It was all very so so, just the usual. I hardly paid attention when the young couple was being given matrimonial advice; I knew it was nothing we had not heard before.
When the time for cutting cake came round, my ears pricked up, not only in anticipation of the sweet treat but to hear the end of the ceremony being announced. I was tired and wanted to go home. I had been running around after my toddler since we arrived at the reception and I just wanted the peace and serenity that is home after a long hard day.
The cake matron loudly announced to the bride that she would be handling all matters kitchen in the house from that day forward and thus, she was expected to discover if the ‘food’ presented to her guests had enough flavor.
She was told that will have dominion over the home in terms of cooking, cleaning…etc and never expect her husband to help in that area, ever.
I have never felt so angry at a wedding like I did at that point. I do not consider myself a feminist, I am not even completely sure what the whole movement really entails. But at that point, I wanted to march to that woman, grab the mic from her and tell her that she was wrong.
What do you mean that a husband should never be involved in matters of the home? Kwani where does he live? I felt that it is such patriarchal attitudes from womankind themselves that will always see us putting each other down.
Don’t get me wrong, I love cooking and taking care of my house. My husband, as much as he tries, would not be able to hack it all by himself. But he tries. Some men are wired to care about those issues of the home.
SHOULD NOT BOTHER
But what happened on Saturday seemed to me was that the husband was being told that even if it is in him to care, he should not bother anymore, he has found a person to do that for him.
I felt like the man was being given permission to slack off and never bother to find out what happens in his own home. That he should not want to know if there is food in the kitchen, tissue paper in the toilet and soap for laundry. It’s like his is only to announce, somewhat irritated, that “sabuni ya kuoga imeisha”.
I long to go to a wedding where they make the man pray for the cake, after all, he is meant to be the priest of the home, right? I want to see the groom tasting the cake first and declaring that it is indeed good and ready for consumption. I want the man to be told that he is the one to make sure that his home is well taken care of, to help his wife in this endeavor, for it is a truly daunting task for one to do alone.
Men, let this new year come with new things for your families. I do not mean you take over kitchen duties or making sure the help cleans the corners of the house, but it wouldn’t hurt if you helped a little.
We will appreciate, we promise!