CITY GIRL: How to guard your man from those hungry pretty girls
A husband, I am told, is a gem; hard to find but easy to lose. You never know. This town is full of hungry Pretty Young Things (PYTs) who are lying in wait, hoping to catch your husband’s eye and snatch him from you.
Lucky for you, today, I am in a good mood and I will give you tips on how to protect your husband from all those conniving PYTs.
I have a foolproof strategy that if followed to the letter, will give you great results. Without wasting much space, here is a married woman’s guide to marking her territory.
Parade him on social media: You and your hubby are both on social media and there are very many young city girls who want to befriend him, follow him on Twitter and Instagram to catch his eye. Don’t worry about those little dimwits. I’ll show you how to conquer competition.
Parade him on social media. Post photos of you and your husband and children in a very happy mood to show us what a happy marriage you have. Photos of you holidaying in Dubai work perfectly.
Tag him in all those photos and show the rest of us what a solid marriage you have. On his birthday, take some time off your busy schedule of staying at home doing absolutely nothing and pay a tribute to him on social media.
Wedding anniversaries are no different. I want to see more wedding photos when you were half the size you are and barely recognisable.
An illusion of a happy marriage is all you need to scare off those shameless PYTs who think they can just SMS your husband anytime of the night.
Public Display of Affection: Social media display of affection barely scratches the surface. Call him ‘baby’ at the sight of competition. Doesn’t matter if you haven’t called him ‘baby’ since the real baby came in, just call him to show those PYTs who’s in charge.
When you go to a party, ensure the other women know that your man is taken by none other than you. Show those little PYTs, those lusty libertines, that you are the mistress of the manor.
It doesn’t matter if the marriage is going through a rough patch and normally, behind closed doors, you wouldn’t come 10 metres close to him.
The idea here is to put up a show for others to know that you are stronger than ever. Afterwards, you can slide back to your cold war.
Call them incessantly: During the day, squeeze some time between your busy stay-at-home-mom schedule to call your husband incessantly. You are just checking up on him; you should say.
Finding out how he is doing in the office; you know, working hard for the family. Flood his phone with a barrage of SMS and WhatsApp messages.
Call him over lunch and in the evening. Just to make sure he is not perched up on a loft somewhere with a PYT. The idea here is to keep tabs where he is and what he is doing. You just never know.
Back to social media: I forgot something. Comment and ‘like’ every photo he posts on social media. Be the self-appointed commenter-in-chief of all his photos.
Let the others know who took that picture and where you were. And especially how much fun you had that day and what a beautiful day you had.
Even in your WhatsApp profile photo, let the whole world know what a happily married woman you are. Then sit back as you watch the PYTs fade in the background. One by one.