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CITY GIRL: Real men don’t demand dowry after divorce

By CITY GIRL March 27th, 2015 3 min read

This week, a Kisii court ordered a woman to pay back her ex-husband part of the money he had invested in her. The man accused his wife of unfaithfulness.

The court ordered Ms Evelyne Kerubo to pay her ex-husband, Mr James Mayaka, a total of Sh 205,000, which is part of what her husband spent on her college fees (Sh 209,000) and bride price (Sh120,000).

The payment had totalled Sh164,000 but the court factored in interest to arrive at the Sh205,000.

Jesus Christ! What has the world come to? Since when did women start paying back the money invested in them by their husbands?

Listen men, I don’t care what the law of Kenya says, but I know what the law of nature dictates. A real man should and must take care of his woman or women. I cannot emphasise that.

Ladies, it is the duty of the man in your life to take care of you.

He should pay your dowry; your rent; buy you a nice house; keep an emergency fund for you incase he drops dead unexpectedly; buy your heels and dresses; give you money to send to your mother; do your monthly shopping and buy you a good car, fuel and service it.

That is not all. He should pay for your Masters’ degree, and educate your children in those schools that host presidential debates; not those that act as polling station.


The mark of a real man lies not in his ability to sire children, but in his ability to take care of his woman.

Every woman with a man in her life should be able to sleep soundly for eight straight hours because she has the peace of mind, knowing that all has been taken care of.

I love Kikuyu weddings, mainly because we sing these wonderful songs about how men should treat their women. There is a particular song that I like, and it goes:

Mùthúri ngatha niamenyagerera…múka wake. Akamúhúba wega agathakara… akagema. Akamúhúnia wega agatúgúha…akanora. (A noble husband takes care of his wife. He dresses her well, until she looks beautiful and gorgeous. He feeds her well until she is healthy and fat).

I don’t understand why some men would ask their women to not only chip in with the household expenses, but also to pay them alimony after they have divorced. Alimony to who and for what?

If I was to get married, I would never spend my coin on anything that my husband is supposed to cater for. Not because I am a mean girl, but because I wouldn’t want to downplay my husband’s manhood.

A man’s ego is sensitive and I am not about to bruise my husband’s ego by pretending that I am all ‘Miss Independent’ by taking a mortgage and helping him in paying school fees.

I am going to let him be a man and let him take care of his family and spoil his wife.

And if we were to get divorced – say he finally left me for his secretary who is 20 years younger or he probably caught me cheating with the pool boy, we would square it out like Africans.


I would accept a quiet divorce. I would gladly accept a tidy monthly sum of money as alimony to keep me and my offspring afloat before I get my groove back, and bounce back to the dating scene like a hot-blooded 18-year old.

Real men don’t take alimony from their wives. Even if they are cheated on, hurt, and their egos bruised, real men just don’t take money from a woman.

Real men don’t borrow money from women. They don’t drive their women’s Vitz and Polos and they don’t sniff through their wives purses looking for money.

If a real man is cheated on by his wife and he decides to divorce, he will not ask back for the millions – probably tens of millions – he invested in her.

He will not ask for the Range Rover Vogue back. He will not ask for the house keys. He will move into a furnished apartment as he gets back on his feet.

He will not change the names on the title deed and neither will he change his will.  He will contact his lawyer to find a way out.

He will make sure that woman who once loved him; the mother of his children; the woman who went through hours upon excruciating hours of labour to pop their children is comfortable, irrespective of how messy the divorce was.

Even if you found her in bed with the driver, the shamba boy, watchman or cook, a real man will take it like a gladiator; stoically and courageously, without crying in court like a little boy who has been snatched his toy car. A real man will let go and move on.

Are you a real man?