CITY GIRL: Wario deserves gold medal for incompetence
The mark of a real man, the true worth of a man, is crystallised in his will to fight. A real man will fight his battles with vigour and vitality and will allow nothing to dull his vim.
A real man, ladies and gentlemen, also knows when to walk away, when to count his losses and when to call it a day. Because real men know when to admit failure.
Sadly, this truth has never dawned on one Mr Hassan Gurach Wario Arero, Kenya’s defending champion for the most pathetic failure.
No other man, dear readers, has ever failed as spectacularly as Mr Wario. Never has there been a Cabinet Secretary for Sports, Culture and the Arts as incompetent as Mr Wario.
MEDAL FOR INCOMPETENCE
In fact, Mr Wario deserves a gold medal for his incompetence, for he has exhibited nothing short of an Olympian’s talent for his inability to perform.
A man who displays this kind of off-the-charts failure, such incompetence of Shakespearean magnitude, deserves a glass cube at the National Museums of Kenya for future generations to see what a failure looks like.
Kenyan athletes, on the other hand, are the true definition of the Kenyan spirit. They are a bunch of relentless and resilient young men and women who will not let anything dampen their spirits.
Not even an incompetent CS will prevent them from making history and breaking records.
You may put them up in the shanties of Rio, you could make them eat food fit for dogs, you could easily steal their Nike sports kits, you could book them cheap flights and frustrate their coaches all you want.
But nothing will make them shame our country as much as the government has ashamed and embarrassed them, led by one Mr Wario Arero.
Only a quack with an IQ of an over-glorified kanjora would allow the shenanigans that was Rio to go on right under his nose; cartels or no cartels.
If you are a victim of the cartels as you purport to be, then you should do the honourable thing; call the president next week and ask him to accept your resignation because you have proved unworthy of your position.
A man does not scamper for the shadows like a little boy to avoid questions from journalists in a press conference he called. You are the greatest disappointment in Uhuru’s Cabinet so far and your unparalleled failure could make Ole Lenku blush in admiration.
You are a Cabinet Secretary for god’s sake, behave like a government official of your calibre and quit engaging bloggers to tweet nice things about you. By the way, those bloggers you hire to tweet your fictitious accomplishments are digital prostitutes who will bend and stretch to whoever pays them more.
If, for example, somebody who doesn’t like you very much, pays the bloggers Sh100 extra from what you’re paying them, they would turn their backs on you faster than you can say “accomplished idiot”.
An average village oaf knows that our athletes are Kenya’s greatest treasure and the pride of our nation. They are our heroes and heroines who literally go extra mile to make people in government like you to look good internationally.
The least you could do, Mr. Wario, is to treat them and their long suffering coaches with the respect they deserve because no other people in this country have put Kenya on the world map as they have.
The bare minimum qualification for a Cabinet Secretary for Sports is to realise the value our sportsmen and women hold for our country, but you sir, are the classic example of how not to be a Kenyan Cabinet Secretary for Sports.
You have treated them poorly and your resignation letter must have an opening clause with a world-class apology to these phenomenal men and women whose only crime was to do their country proud.
You, Mr Wario, have managed to single-handedly embarrass our country internationally. Most tragically, you have brought dishonour to sportsmanship.
Aspiring athletes and Kenyan youth got your message loud and clear. It doesn’t pay to be a patriotic athlete because the government will treat you like a dog.
It is time, Mr. Wario, for you to man up and admit the obvious. You have failed. You have fought your fight and you have been thoroughly thrashed. For once in your life, be a man of honour and leave while you still have a chance.