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CITY GIRL: Woman, never ever date a mzungu if you’re black

If you are on social media, you probably have come across the story of a young Kenyan woman who is allegedly being sexually assaulted by a white man in the US.

The young woman from Kisumu left Kenya to live with a man she believed she loved and that he loved her back, only to find that the guy had other plans. He has allegedly been sexually assaulting her, making her perform unorthodox sexual acts, even filming the sessions.

Many Kenyans sympathised with her. Not me. I feel nothing for that silly little girl who got exactly what she deserved.

She thought marrying a mzungu was her ticket to fortune but she was miserably wrong. She knew nothing good comes from mzungus and, therefore, deserves the shame and embarrassment that the gross video doing rounds has caused her and her family.

How many times do Kenyan women have to be told to stop dating wazungus? Ok, I get it. Nobody has ever really told you why. Nobody has broken it down to you. Nobody has ever told you the truth about white men. I will.

1. White men don’t look for love in black women. You see, when a mzungu woos you, he is not looking for love. He is not looking for a serious relationship or a marriage. He is not even looking for a soul mate.

He is looking for a sexual experience with a black woman. He is looking to fulfill a lifelong fantasy.

White men — and many readers will agree with me — are very experimental. Most of them have grown up in all-white neighbourhoods, hence become curious on what a black woman would feel like, taste like, sound like.

Having been with countless white women, he wants a change of diet, a snack before the main meal. You are that snack.

So, that tourist on a shoestring budget or the expatriate with a weathered suit bought on sale from H&M is not looking to fall in love with you. He just wants to bed you and dump you. Get that into your brain, little bimbo.

2. White men don’t marry black women. Proper, Ivy League-schooled and cultured young white men marry women who look like them. When an aristocratic young man from the United Kingdom is looking for a wife, he will find one that looks good on a Christmas card; a Kate Middleton.

When a young man from a powerful political family, say the Bushs, is looking to marry, black women don’t stand a chance.

A good-looking young mzungu doctor schooled at Johns Hopkins will sleep with a hundred black women, but he will marry a woman who looks like him.

Listen, young Kenyan women, educated and proper white men don’t marry us. They don’t go for a curvy black woman with thunder thighs, a sizeable posterior, Afro-kinky hair and a foul miss-know-it-all attitude.

They marry delicate pretty blondes from proper suburban families, who have tiny wasp waists and thin thighs.

The white men who marry African women are not the kind of men you’d normally marry if they were Kenyan. If he were Kenyan, you wouldn’t even look at him twice.

They are either old blokes with leathery skin living on benefits and pension, or young losers without much promise in the UK. Nobody cares who they marry. Black woman or white woman, it doesn’t matter.

3. Most white men are broke, anyway. You see these tourists strolling the city in dusty rubber shoes, faded jeans and T-shirts carrying ugly backpacks stuffed with stale bread and maps?

Or that tourist at that bar in Mtwapa or Kilifi nursing a bottle of cold Tusker? That mzungu is probably not as wealthy as you think he is.

Number one, wealthy mzungu tourists don’t mix with locals because, apparently, they think Kenya is a “hotbed of terror”.

The really wealthy ones are holed up in exclusive villas in Malindi, Watamu and luxury tented camps down in the Mara. Most of them jet in quietly and are executively transported to their holiday destinations.

You will never ever see them unless you are a waitress. And because you are a waitress, you are no worthier than the fly on the wall. He won’t even notice you!

The mzungus you see in town hanging out at Bob’s in Mombasa or at Mercury in Westlands, Nairobi, are not really as moneyed as you think they are. Most are the scum of where they come from. They are nobodies struggling to make ends meet in New York or London. They don’t have proper jobs (they work as mechanic assistants and janitors in malls).

They have saved every penny they can, denying themselves lunch to save up for their maiden trip to Africa. For most, this is usually their first trip out of the United Kingdom or America and they are not as exposed as you think they are.

Some of those mzungus you salivate at and adore like demigods come from the remotest villages in North Wales, where they don’t even have malls. Hakuna kuangukia umeangukia!

4. White men are users. Let’s be honest. These white men you suffer for are not even worth it. Channel that energy to a proper Kenyan man.

You see, that mzungu you leave your Kenyan boyfriend for, his great grandfather was a slave driver, and that mentality sticks throughout generations.

So when a white man looks at you, he sees a slave. He thinks of how you can work for him; how you can make him happy. He doesn’t necessarily have to return the favour.

He knows you are a desperate black woman. He is not stupid. He knows you think he is your ticket out of poverty and he will make you pay for every cent he spends on you.

That is why they ask you to do for them unorthodox sexual acts, and why they want to insert just about anything in your precious little pot and take pictures or film. They want value for their (little) money.

And you agree to be a sexual slave to a mzungu who will dump you, anyway? Shame on you, for even looking suggestively at a white man!