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BLOG: This is the craziest advice I ever got

By AGEWA WAINAINA February 25th, 2017 3 min read

I was recently asked what the most weird or shocking piece of advice that I have received since my engagement and consequent preparation for marriage was.

At the time I couldn’t think of anything as I had quite gotten used to being told some strange things. However, on further reflection on the question and following the recent occurrences in the country, I would have to say the strangest, most absurd thing I have been told is to put my career before my family, especially my future children.

Of course it was not put like that, but so far not one but several people have told me how I should make sure that I have my career set before embarking on the tedious task called parenthood.

I have been warned against staying at home to raise my children because my “career will never grow” or I’ll “become one of those boring housewives whose whole life revolves round the kids,” by my brother-in-law, no less.

I understand that it is important to have balance in your life, but what’s so wrong about wanting to raise your children yourself and not hiring someone else to do it?


I was told an example of a lady who had had three children in as many years. She had basically spent more time at home than at her job since her first pregnancy. I was told very bluntly that she had absolutely no prospects for a promotion and she would have to work for at least another three years to salvage whatever she had remaining of her job, provided she didn’t get pregnant again.

The person telling me this is unmarried and not a parent. Is having children in quick succession really career suicide?

I think not.

I think one of the reasons that secondary school children have gone off the rails and are burning their schools like there’s no tomorrow is partly because they are not their parents’ top priority.

Parents have become so busy growing their empires that they no longer raise their children and they try to compensate for their absence by giving them material things. So when they go to school and CS Matiang’i says no to them, they throw a temper tantrum that results in millions of shillings worth of losses.

When a child is raised by a house girl, they will definitely lack the discipline they need to become respected and responsible members of the society. I’m not saying that house helps are bad, but it’s not their job to discipline your kids.


I also think that parents have become very scared of their children. The things young’uns are getting away with these days are appalling.

You may say that I’m saying all this because I do not have children of my own yet, and that I do not know how it is to be responsible for another person’s life and I agree.

However, I know what it is to be raised by no nonsense parents and I know that you are not it. I was never given an opportunity to think that I could talk back to my parents like they were my age mates, as I see some children around me doing.

I was never allowed to get away with iniquities, they were beaten out of me immediately and no room was left for a repeat of bad behavior.

I was taught to respect my elders and to interact with them in a certain way. I sure wasn’t let to insult my mother’s or father’s friends, calling them names I, an adult, shudder to think of, as I have seen happening once too often.