Dear baby gal, here is how to control that ‘situationship’ with your mubaba
A mubaba is often that older, married man with money to throw around when he becomes board of his wife and life. This money will be spent on everything he can to reignite the thrill he used to enjoy before he shackled himself down to a life of wife and kids – and some of that thrill comes in the form of young, fresh looking women in their 20s aka baby gal.
From the get go, the relationship already has an assumed dynamic. He will always be the rule maker, will always have the final say and will always be the one whose livelihood and reputation will be at stake.
You, baby gal, are his temporary muse and distraction. You name and permanency will never feature in the same sentence no matter how much money he splashes to give you the soft life. And so, my dear, how can you subtly take control of this relationship without making him catching on? Some tips…
1. Laying down the rules
As you guys get into your sneaky relationship, he will definitely set the rules – directly or subtly but you will know there are rules. For example, you are not to communicate with him past 7pm or look for him on Sundays; and you are not to text him but call. All this will be to protect his social standing as a morally upright, married family man.
So, baby gal, why don’t you flip the tables on him too and get the upper hand? Tell him you will be unavailable to him on days he feels like he is free to do as he pleases. Being too available will lower your worth in his eyes much faster. Warn him against instant plans just because he can make them – you have a life to live and are not at his beck and call just because it is an illicit relationship.
Also, set time limits to the communication between both of you and very importantly, don’t introduce him to your friends – not because one of your girlfriends might swipe him from you but because you don’t want him having access to certain aspects of your life. In other words, don’t overshare and overcommit to a man to whom you are an option.
2. Escaping his financial control
In his mind, he is controlling you with his money. He can use that money to make you follow him wherever he wishes – on vacations, to the garage, to a work conference and so forth. His money are your shackles. But you can take control of that money by quietly doing something that will develop your life beyond the short-lived ‘situationship’. I say quietly because the minute he finds out how you are empowering yourself with his money, he will cut it off.
You don’t need to pay Sh100k for a girls trip away when you can find another one just as fun for Sh50k. What will your plan for that other Sh50k be? Why don’t you invest in opening a small business that will be boosted by the petty cash he will often give you? Why don’t you go back to school and pay fees with that money he enjoys bragging about before giving it to you? Such that when you see the signs that this situationship is crumbling, you are not anxious about money or maintaining your soft life lifestyle because you invested wisely. You will have a source of income that cushions you and (*evil laugh*) will increase your worth when the next mubaba shows up at your doorstep.
3. Escaping the kichinjio
A kichinjio is a Swahili slang term for a house which either a man or a woman maintains for the sole purpose of bedminton – often with several partners away from the main significant other. It may be posh, it may be dingy but at the end of the day, it is his ‘slaughter’ house.
Baby gal, you can take control and escape this kichinjio where he has set you up for his use by getting down to plotting some serious real estate investment. By living in a house he is renting for you puts you in the precarious situation where you can be booted out in one hour and another lass moved in within the next.
So as you spend his money, why don’t you think about taking control by getting him to buy a small house and put it in your name (so that his wife doesn’t know he has assets out there *another evil laugh*) or use those vast sums of his money that he splashes on you to secretly construct a suitable house for yourself?
And on the day you will finally escape the kichinjio, come back and tell us how he will be at your beck and call, wanting to be in your company as much as possible because you are no longer easily available, tracked or locked up in a place of his choice. You will have more leverage to call the shots before your situationship fizzles out.
4. Claim someone else is interested in you
If he is still married to his wife and chasing your skirt, why can’t you see other people? By making you one of his options, you are inferior to him and you will never have control. But when you begin seeing other people or they show interest in you, and you ‘accidentally’ let on that someone is interested in you, watch how he will begin slowly handing the controls to you.
Suddenly, he will ask you where you want to go on holiday, not telling you where you are going without prior consultation. He will begin craving you more and will do anything for you to show you he is better than that other unnamed person.
It may be mind games but your secret weapon is that men like competing with each other and will do anything to beat the other at the game- even if it means simping or taking out more loans to appear shinier than the competition.