Nairobi News

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Have a life beyond your marriage

Many men complain that they are suffocated in their relationships because their partners want to be with them all the time not allowing them to be out with friends.

On the other hand, women complain of men who lack initiative, who are always home doing nothing beyond a normal job. Welcome to the complications of modern marriage.

These two scenarios represent people who lack a personal life beyond their marriage. It is attractive for a couple to want to build their life around each other however on the overall it leads to dissatisfaction.

Shared dreams

Although marriage requires us to have shared dreams, it should never mean losing our individuality. Each spouse should maintain a part of their lives that defines them besides the oneness of marriage.

Here I’m referring to career, business, service in society, a hobby and friends among others.

Having a personal life spices up the relationship in many ways. First, having something going beyond your spouse’s dreams is attractive.

From a man’s perspective, a woman who is either doing some business or creates time to be out with her friends is considered less clingy and more attractive.

A man who is in a business engagement with his friends comes out as more focused and hardworking. When your spouse finds you more attractive, it tends to bring you closer to each other.

Getting out there and doing something beyond your spouse enriches your world view and helps you to see things from a different perspective.

It doesn’t have to be something that brings in money, it could just be a social cause with friends. The more you interact with people the more you learn new perspectives about life. This enriches the way you engage with your partner.

Engaging with other women for example helps you to appreciate that they are probably dealing with similar issues in their relationships like you.

If you don’t engage with others, you end up thinking that your problems are unique. Having a personal life is also an insurance for bad times. There is no assurance that relationships and marriage will last.

Break ups, separation, divorce or even death are a reality that relationships will face at one time. When your partner isn’t there, it is easier to pull yourself together and move on when your life wasn’t all about them.

The risk of poverty or depression is common in many families when the husband dies especially in cases where the woman depended on him for everything including her social life.

In cases where the woman had a personal life, going for support from her friends and a stable job or business  help them to get up faster.

While it is important to spend quality time with your partner and have shared dreams, it also helps to allow them to have a life out there beyond you. It eliminates small fights and also enriches your life.