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I don’t want to keep this baby, should I abort?

By MICHAEL OYIER December 16th, 2013 2 min read

Dear Michael,
I am a 19-year-old girl who recently joined college. My new friends have introduced me to a lifestyle that is not good, but at least it pays some of my bills. I was recently recruited by a sugar daddy who is also influential, to be his play toy. Unfortunately I got pregnant and when I told him, he cut off all ties with me. I’m three months pregnant and not ready to have this baby. I haven’t told my mum who is single, although I intend to do so. I would like to get an abortion but I don’t have enough money to have it done safely. Kindly advise, J.

Dear J,

Allow me to share my personal prejudice in the spirit of honest disclosure. I would not advocate an abortion, and less so when it is going to be an unsafe procedure. Having said that, I hear your cry of unpreparedness and you also seem to have done some research already.

It would be safer to carry out the abortion at three months than later in pregnancy. Abortion is a costly affair. The cost is not only monetary but also psycho-emotional and physiological.

As is the case in many of life’s key events, we seldom forget, unless we put great effort to push that reality into the subconscious.

And even when we do that, our body will ‘remind us’. In future, you may end-up experiencing emotional turmoil around the child’s expected date of birth. You may have difficulty forgiving yourself as the enormity of the action that now seems inevitable dawns on you.

It would also be unfortunate and traumatising if you were to have trouble conceiving when you desire it, even though the difficulty in conceiving might not be related to the abortion.

I’m glad you intend to let your mother know about your pregnancy.

In the hope that she is supportive, she would be able to give you insight into the challenges of being a single mother, and the benefit of not choosing to have an abortion.

She could also urge you to go ahead with the abortion, which would tell more about her experience in raising you. The decision to or not to abort is one you will have to make and live with the consequences.

Indeed, this pregnancy is the result of a series of decisions you have made: your choice of friends, method of meeting your financial obligations, and acceptance to be a ‘play toy’. It might be helpful to re-evaluate these decisions also.

I share in your pain in realising that to the ‘influential man’, you were but a tool to be used for his pleasure, and be disposed of.

Take heart and if you do decide to keep the child, remember that there are several women who were in a similar state like yours.

They faced the consequence of being a mother and are glad to have made that decision.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advise from Michael Oyier at