Nairobi News


Ladies: So what if the man you loved chose another woman?

I shouldn’t even be writing about this, but it’s driving me crazy. I think nuts describes it much better. But on a serious note, men think they can walk into our lives and walk out as they please. It’s really annoying!

With that in mind, and anger aside, here is my story.

Sigh! I was dating this guy who was also dating another girl. For your information, I wasn’t aware of it because every time we were together we would have these pillow talks; “you know what I mean,” he would say of how we so have much in common, how nothing or no one would come in between us, how much he enjoyed my company.

He would actually tease me and we would end up running around his house and eventually get down to grown up business. A stone’s throw away ahead I could actually see ‘Canaan’ and I resisted everything and anyone who was interfering with my vision to the land of milk and honey, and, yes, I fell for it.

I fell for it even more because the last time we went out we had an amazing time and it really felt like – at least for me – that we had reached a moving forward point.

We communicated often and with this you know your usual silly texts of “Have you eaten?”, “How was your day?”, “I miss you even more”, random love messages… the list was endless.

I could actually admit that all this not only gave me goosebumps but I also smiled uncontrollably. If you knew me, you would actually see that I was in love.


On this particular occasion, I told him we should go out for dinner, then later hang out at our usual joint, Jikonis. I was anticipating his company but more so the Gilbey’s Gin with tonic and lemons kama kawaida. So when he agreed to it I was even more excited

As we got closer to the day of our date, he said we needed to talk. This actually scared the sh**t out of me because I have heard it with my girlfriends, when a woman says we need to talk, then something nasty is about to go down and at this particular scenario it was my boyfriend.

Obviously that was even worse, actually it sounded horrific in my ears. Thankfully, my mum taught me well on how to keep calm and let things unfold at their own pace.

He said that the times that he spent with me were very special to him. Every time we went out it just got better and better and he was not expecting that. He said I’m the finest woman who ever came into his life and I will always be special for that.

That I came into his life at a very trying time and I lifted his spirits, put him in a better place and kept him on track and a lot of bullshit excuses that I couldn’t fathom at that moment. All I can remember were the tears of anger and the slap that landed in his face before he could even say the next ugly sentence that we are all familiar with.

Clearly, with that nonsense I actually turned out to be his therapist, or should I say mentor or even worse his Samantha kind of bullshit

If I say this didn’t break me, I would be lying. Actually it did put me down, soaked with tears in bed. I started questioning myself and my worth as a person and a woman as well as my probability of ever being a wife.


I finally realized that he might have been the guy I chose to love, but I’m not the girl he chose to love and even settle down with and that realization broke me even more.

But it took a lot of efforts and friends for me to even write this so what if he did not choose me? I have the ability to learn and grow from that ugly situation don’t I?

We have learnt that relationships are entered into with the mindset of marriage. Otherwise, it is a waste of time. Yes, I do understand this is a foreign concept in today’s age with people jumping into bed (literally and figuratively) with the first person that gives them a glimmer of attention.

But ladies, if you are sincere to yourself and someone took advantage of your feelings and wasted your time, do not allow such situations to dictate who you will turn out to be; never allow a man put you down

It’s unfortunate that things between you and him did not work out but you have the ability to learn and grow from this. If things did not work out between the two of you, it was for a reason. Now you can move on to someone more fitting for you and your needs. .

Ladies, and I repeat ladies, you deserve someone who treats you like the sun, someone whose whole life revolves around you and your happiness, let your children look at your love and know that fairy tales can exist.

Be strong in your worth and stand tall – you are a warrior, hold on to that.