Nairobi News


RELATIONSHIPS: Why do men have a problem when their girlfriends show up unannounced?

By MAGGIE SHIKS February 11th, 2018 2 min read

I don’t remember exactly when, but one Saturday recently, I decided to go to his house.

I don’t know what he must have thought when he opened the door that night and saw me there carrying two bags, but I knew by the funny look in his eyes, and the crinkling of the forehead between the eyes he looked puzzled.

“Don’t worry” I said to him, “I’m not moving in.”

I mean, who would like that kind of an ambush in their own space huh! That thought was smeared all over his forehead.

But again, I’m I not allowed in that house whenever? Am I not entitled, as the girlfriend? Is he not we, is me not us?

I ignored the many questions and moved on by ushering myself into ‘our house’. About what I was doing there with my bags is a story for another day.

So I have a couple of male friends, I wouldn’t shy away from saying I like hanging out more with guys rather than ladies. Why? The fact that they are not too emotional, petty bitchy and dramatic is a turn on.

On the flip side, the kind of descriptive talk they have sometimes about ‘maamacita’s as they like calling them worries me and gets my antennas so alert, about my man to a level of less trust. This is how.

Most guys are addicted or rather enjoy that space they call “one night stands, no feelings attached kind of randomness.”


At least I have gathered that so far, they take this ladies to their houses and in the morning it’s basically a wrap; nice hanging out with you kind of biding goodbye.

This has happened enough times in those hangout session talks, and they would narrate it heroically ‘Jana waah this mamacita blah blah!!!

So I ask, has sex become a hangout? Thoughts triggered me to ask about their significant other, what if your “Maama” (the local word for your girlfriend) decides to show up unexpected? How would you explain the situation and in a seamless chorus of response “akuje kwa nani bila kusema?”

I’m this kind of a lady who shows up unannounced to my man’s house (that explains the bags). I don’t understand even one bit why I have to call, text or ask if I should come. I mean, we are in a relationship, basically together together like together.

I was shocked, horrified, outraged, appalled, offended and disturbed. Did I just describe my feelings using so many words that just means the same? That shows I was too disappointed.

But honestly, at what time does our love need permission? If you claim to love me, then why is my showing up unannounced a problem? Should I be worried about you having random one night stands that I have no idea about?

They say that everyone knows how to love, because we are all born with that gift. Some people have a natural talent for it, but the majority of us have to re-learn

I guess I’m still learning the so called ‘man’s world’ but to my future husband that won’t stop me from showing up unannounced.