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My born again boyfriend is a drunkard

January 20th, 2014 2 min read

Dear Michael,
I am 23-year-old lady and I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now. We are both born again Christians.

My concern is that when we first met, we used to go to church together, but we were not very serious. I now feel I have matured as a Christian, but my boyfriend drinks alcohol, something I’m not comfortable with.

He also doesn’t go to church very often.  Whenever I ask him about his drinking, he says that the Bible allows it.  

I feel like we are growing apart because of this, should I leave him or stick with him and hope that he will also mature spiritually?


Dear Meredith,

You seem to have made an indirect correlation between drinking alcohol and spiritual maturity.  You also have concerns regarding your boyfriend’s church attendance.

And because of the drinking, reduced shared interest in attending church and his perceived lack of growth in his faith, you’re uncomfortable, you feel you are growing apart and want to make a decision to either stay or to leave.

You have shown remarkable commitment in being in this relationship for three years.  Over time, we all change.

You and your boyfriend have changed in different directions, for whatever reasons.  There’s more change coming in life.

Since you are not married, you can more readily choose to leave, it is your prerogative.

Alcoholic beverages have been here since time immemorial.  Your boyfriend probably quotes familiar scripture referring to water being turned into wine and a young man being told to take a little wine with his food.

Without preaching, it is important to remember that context matters.  Despite that, it is advisable for every person to approach drinking alcohol with caution.

As you think about the decision to make, bear in mind that on one hand your boyfriend could be one of those very responsible drinkers who doesn’t get addicted. On the other hand, he could be one of the unfortunate people who get addicted.

Could you live with either of the two? As I suggested earlier, you are not married, and therefore leaving is not as complicated.

Still painful though.  Leave, if you are convinced that it is what you should do.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at