Nairobi News

When I started dating, I was made to believe that if a woman agrees to have sex on the first date, the partner may make unfair sentiments making her feel cheap, easy, with no standards or self-love.

Even worse, men may assume she has other partners and not a relationship/wife material.

I’m sure my mum was worried of the cruel, unfair world or maybe her worst nightmare was me getting pregnant during my teenage-ish days and I don’t blame her, which mother would love that?

On the other hand, I’m still angry at the fact that men are made to feel like heroes even after two parties are involved in the same act. But why?

Does it mean when women have sex right away it is a reflection of the value that she places on herself and her worth? Well, I beg to differ.

Everyone has their own ideas about how a first date should end. A lot of this whole “wait until the fourth, fifth or maybe sixth date” stuff is pretty a ‘Kitambo thingy’ that our parents used to protect us from the thought of us being called “easy”.

However, that said, there’s no pressure to have sex with someone on the first date.

DREAM COME TRUE

But if you’re feeling it, no one should judge you for getting it instantly as long as your intuition is right.

The desire to have sex on the first date is usually driven by an intense physical attraction ‘Kunokiana’, after all, who doesn’t want to be liked or loved?

But be careful as well, not all men are genuine.

This is why.

Just the other day my friend, ‘Samatha’, – not her real name since it’s the name that has been causing a lot of buzz, but for those still in the dark, the use of Google will do you good – who was kind of mousy and quiet, had a crush on this guy ‘Ken’ who was a friend of a friend.

He was gorgeous, dark haired, brilliant, tall with lots of lean muscle, had crazy blue eyes and not forgetting his dry wit. ‘Alikua amemkufa mbaya ‘that is how we describe it back in ‘Kinoo’ village when someone falls hard and fast.

She had to watch from a distance as he dated other girls, she also dated other people but if a chance came she would drop them in a second (I don’t think she would feel guilty for doing that).

So this one day Ken confessed to the friend who later relayed the message that he liked her, ooh yes!! That was a dream come true, and it was such a timely dream because she wasn’t in a relationship at that time.

FIRST DATE

It all came to reality over Christmas season when he told her that she was beautiful and kissed her. That simple gesture led to their first date that she was excited about and yes, it happened. A lot happened on that Friday night that turned into a very exciting trip to ‘le bone zone’ in the wee hours of Saturday morning.

She thought that they had really hit it off, looked good together, instant affection and love, she thought.

But come the following day, she was iced out and all the ‘boys’ knew what had gone down between them because it was a dare amongst the boys.

Even worse her girlfriends started talking behind her back of how ‘Slut-ish’ she was… so was that a victory call for Ken?

Sadly, the idea that sleeping with someone right away will make them less likely to respect you in the morning is still out there.

Men are still plotting their moves into getting laid on the first date or as a result to a dare amongst the peers as if getting a woman to sleep with is a poker game and the lucky winner gets to have her or the one appointed to the dare gets a victory recognition after conquering.

Even more sad, we don’t have the ability to know who is genuine and who is not.

Regardless, we are called cheap and easy… is it even fair? And this brings me back to my question: Do you think when a woman has sex on her first date she should be called easy and cheap?