Should a man spend the night at his in-laws place?
As Kenyans travelled to their rural home for the festive season, one topic hit the headlines.
Should a man spend the night at his in-laws?
The topic brought up varied reactions, at times heated, with either side keen to support its argument.
Those against spending the night at your inlaws explained it would bring about familiarisation which breeds contempt.
Others said it was an abomination as per the African culture.
However, another group argued there is no problem with spending at your in-laws place as long as the main house where the in-laws are sleeping.
According to them, as a man if you are married to their daughter, you become their son and will be treated as one of their own and as such you will sleep in the same compound but not under the same roof.
Here are some random comments from Kenyans on different social media platforms
In some of the comments, Newton Mwaura wrote on Facebook, “Sleeping at your in-laws? Really guys…is this even a topic for discussion? Do you guys mean you can get that thought, or even allow 11pm to find you there? How do you even wake up in the morning? Do you mean they live on an island with no hotels, no Watchmen to tell stories all night, no matatus to sleep in? It’s an abomination, it’s the beginning of your downfall.
Bismarck Sáng added, “ In Kipsigis culture which I am very conversant about, it is an abomination to spend a single night in your in-laws home. A man can only visit his in-laws on special occasions (doesn’t include Christmas), and he MUST leave not later than 5pm. Also, the earliest a man should arrive at in-laws’ home is not earlier than 11am.
“There is nothing wrong with it unless there’s a space constraint. This backward thinking must be thrown away. You have given away your daughter. What else can be of so much worry? Then pay for a hotel room and drive another 100km to prove a point,” Joe Muroki posted on Twitter.
Vincent added, “In my culture, one is expected to meet his in laws, at their homestead in 2 circumstances: During the introduction for possible marriage, and during the burial ceremony of a key family member. Otherwise, sleeping in the in-laws’ was not only bad but also a bad omen!.
Kiriungi Kimotho took his time to explain an in law in the kikuyu culture and he said, “ÛTHONI. The word Ûthoni is from the word THONI( gûconokanîra) .So when one gets married , your parents and your wife’s parents become ATHONI while you the husband becomes their son ( MÛTHONI)
1. A gîkûyû man should not visit his wife’s parents anyhow. There must be a good reason and shouldn’t be often. Ûthoni ndûrangarangagwo.
2. You should not be seen chewing bones in your in-laws place because it’s dogs that chew bones.( Ngui nîcio ithûgûnaga mahîndî). It’s a sign of lack mannerisms and that their daughter was married by a FISI.
3. You should try as much as possible not to spend at your in-laws place. ( Ûthoni ndûraragwo). Where do our young men get the courage to spend in the same compound or house with their mother in-laws?
In the morning your mother in-law agokira ehotorete shuka nyondoinî mûhîtûkanage hau mûgîthii bafu nawe na kînyatha. Tabia mbaya sana na sisi Kama wazee tumekataa Kata Kata.
4. Ndûkanahûre kana ûrume kana ûkûme ciana ciaku mwî gwa cûwe( whether maternal or paternal) . It might be interpreted to mean that it’s the parents that you are abusing.