Nairobi News

If there’s one thing I have come to believe is that history always beats chemistry. Pun intended. It doesn’t matter what kind of connection you have with your lover, just keep in mind that there’s that one person from their past that will always have more power over them than you. 

Now this gets worse when there’s a baby mama or baby daddy involved. Ooof! You’ll have to make peace with the fact that you come second or third to their former lover and first child. It’s not like you can get rid of either one of them. The question is, are you willing to always come second to history in the realm of love? 

Let’s start with the ex-factor. Men, more than women, always seem to have an unresolved ex-entanglement. That one former flame that they fancy keeping tabs on. There’s always that one ex-lover that your boyfriend or husband just can’t seem to let go of.

It’s like an invisible string tying them to the past, constantly reminding them of the love they once shared. As their current partner, you find yourself in never-ending competition with a ghost, a shadow from the past that always lingers.

You may have everything going for you—beauty, intelligence, and a heart full of love. But none of that matters when compared to the history that your partner shares with their ex. It’s a battle you can never win because you can’t rewrite the past or erase the memories that were once deeply cherished. Neither can you erase the love that they may still have for them. 

Even if your partner claims to have moved on, there will always be a part of them that still longs for what they had before. They may deny it, bury it deep within themselves, but it’s there, silently pulling them back. Every time you ask your man why he still keeps contact with his ex his answer is always as simple as “We are just friends”. It’s an emotional baggage that they carry, and you, my dear, are left to deal with the consequences. 

And then there are baby mamas. When a child is involved, the stakes are even higher. Not only do you have to compete with the memories of their past love, but you also have to share your partner’s attention and affection with their firstborn. It’s a constant reminder that you will always come second in their heart, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise.

You find yourself navigating the intricate web of co-parenting, trying to establish your place while treading carefully so as not to upset the delicate balance. It’s a tightrope walk, where you have to be understanding, patient, and selfless, all while battling your insecurities and doubts. It’s not an easy task, and it takes a special kind of person or a mad one to handle the complexities of such a situation. 

However, in such cases communication is key. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings, fears, and insecurities. Share your concerns about their ex and the child they share. Let them know that while you respect their past, you also need reassurance and affirmation in the present about their role in your life and vice versa. Building trust and establishing boundaries will help both of you navigate such complexities.

But in the end, it’s a matter of choice. Are you willing to love someone despite the complexities of their history? Are you willing to accept that you may not always come first? It’s a decision only you can make. 

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