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Why marriages in the 21st century require more effort

The idea of “happily ever after”, an idea propagated by fairytales is the yearning of most marriages. However, this ideology has thwarted the realities of many marriages of the 21st century, leaving couples in shambles and dismay. But fairytales can’t take it all.

With the vast array of technological advancements, and the ”live fast, die young” pursuit for unbridled wealth, marriages of the 21st century are not just at the brink of collapsing but are collapsing. In this day and age, marriages require more work than ever before seeing as every individual seeking marriage is more “woke” unlike the older generations where roles and responsibilities were black and white.

The marriage dynamic is constantly and rapidly shifting where many couples find themselves having to compromise heavily in order to make the marriage last as long as the union is still within the boundaries of commitment. 

Since 21st-century marriages don’t have the perseverance of marriages of the past leading up to their fragile nature, here are five cues plus extras to keeping a healthy marriage in the 21st century. 

Patience; Marriages of the 21st century are lacking in this virtue and are in a hurry to blossom without nurturing. Patience is critical when considering how to sustain the fragility of 21st-century marriages. The virtue of patience has since walked out the door in 21st-century marriages and should be nurtured back as it is the life of many marriages. Some enter into marriage already envisaging the worst without being patient for the sweetest part of the union. 

It’s a fallacy; no one completes you. 

The notion of a better half completing you is an illusion and one way to sustain your marriage in the 21st century is to withdraw such philosophy. Expecting someone to complete you is a big shoe to fill. This is the beginning of bigger troubles if one partner isn’t meeting up with the other partner in terms of “completing”. Be the best for you, someone will meet you while you are working on your wholeness and all will align.

Compatibility; Physical attraction is great but there is a bigger fish to fry like seeking out compatibility and other non-tangible alluring characteristics in a partner.

Investment/commitment to your marriage. It is clear that the hardships 21st-century marriages are faced with, tentatively due to the lack of commitment, reveals itself through cracks in the marriage. The partners do not give time for the marriage to blossom into maturity. Recall that the wedding vows did not promise perfection, but juxtaposed complementary opposites. “For better for worse”, ” For richer for poorer”.

Selflessness; Be selfless to your partner that way you both put each other’s needs at the top of the list.

Like staying in shape needs an individual to actually work on exercising and dieting, always work on your marriage. Researchers have seen that the happiest time couples are the happiest in their marriage is as newlyweds. Afterwards,  the feelings plummet and that’s what researchers termed a “downward trajectory in marriage satisfaction”. This rises from the recurring fights and arguments that are bound to take place. Don’t wait till there is a pileup or resentment to work on your marriage. Always work on it from the get-go. 

Additionally, learn how to fight. Bickering is no stranger to couples, but you should learn how to have disagreements as a couple. How do you do this? By taking into perspective the other partner’s point of view and figuratively wearing the shoes to know where it pinches. Getting off that high horse leaves you glued to your viewpoint and being open to your partner’s opinions which would lead to the convergence of agreement.

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