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Why setting age targets for marriage and having kids is problematic

You’re born… and societal expectations are immediately placed on you – whether verbally or nonverbally. Go to school, pass your secondary school national examinations, join a top name university, graduate with honors and get a well paying job. Work for a minimum of one year and then marry. Don’t waste so much time, go ahead and begin siring those grandkids.

And probably, by age 27 or 28, women are expected to have one or two children in tow from a stable marriage while the same is placed on men who hit 30. After 30, you are wasting people’s expectations of you and you will become a target of either concern or ridicule.

Nairobi News can comfortably explain to you why setting these age targets on people to marry and have children is extremely problematic.

First and foremost, not everyone desires marriage or having children. You cannot force your expectations on others just because they are things you desired and they made you happy. This is a personal choice a person must make for themselves or else you will be dealing with bitter, broken people down the line.

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Imposing age targets can undermine individuality and overlook personal circumstances, preferences and goals. Each individual should have the right to decide when and if they are ready for such commitments based on their own values, desires and circumstances.

Secondly, people mature and reach different milestones at varying ages and rates. Imposing a specific age target fails to account for the unique circumstances, goals and priorities of individuals. Education, career goals, personal growth and relationship readiness should be considered rather than sticking to a rigid age-based expectation.

Not considering a person’s emotional and psychological readiness is another problematic aspect to this age targeting. Marriage and parenthood require emotional maturity, self-awareness and the ability to handle the responsibilities and challenges that come with these roles.

People develop and mature at different paces and placing undue pressure to meet an age target can lead to rushed decisions, potential regret or difficulties in coping with the demands of married life and parenting.

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Fourth, placing emphasis on age targets can shift the focus away from the quality of relationships and emotional compatibility. It is essential to prioritize building healthy, stable and fulfilling partnerships before considering marriage and parenthood.

Rushing into these commitments solely based on age and fulfilling a societal expectation can lead to great dissatisfaction and unstable relationships.

Lat but not least, not providing a supportive environment for your young ones to thrive in their personal and professional lives; and placing your age targets above their needs will result in weak relationships not only between you and the person you are placing expectations with but with their potential partner as well.

At the end of the day, you may even lose the relationship in its entirety. It is not new reading about family members cutting each other off because of being toxic. Don’t be a problem to someone else and force them to eject you from their lives forever.

Also read: 5 reasons why you must think twice before adding a 3rd baby