Nairobi News


Here is why man shall not gossip

Just this morning, I was taking breakfast at a certain coffee shop because I was too lazy to make tea in my house (I really need to marry). As I sipped my cappuccino, I pondered on what I could possibly do to become a millionaire. I couldn’t help but wonder what it takes to become part of Kenya’s 0.7%.

In case you aren’t aware of what I’m talking about, the Central Bank of Kenya (CBK) recently said that 99.3 % of Kenyans don’t have more than 1 million in their bank accounts.

So, I sat there, trying to imagine what it would take to become part of the gang that hires 70 servants in their multi-acre homes and drive cars that cost over 10 million. Or should I say the people that are driven in cars that cost over 10 million?

I wonder why people with expensive cars usually prefer to be driven rather than drive themselves. If I had a BMW X6, I would never even get out of the driver’s seat. I would eat and sleep there.


Anyway, as I was pondering, I eavesdropped on a conversation by three guys that were sitting about 200 centimeters away from me. They were talking about their colleague who had just gotten a promotion.

“Huyo mse sidhani kama ataweza hiyo kazi. Mpatie tu three months utaona akichujwa,” one of them said.

“Mimi hata nilidhani ni mimi nitapewa hiyo job,” another one added.

They went on and on.

I was shocked. I looked at these guys with eyes and mouth wide open, the way Daniel Kaluuya’s character looks at horrific things in the movie Get Out.

Why would grown men gossip about their fellow man like that? And why did they have to be so negative?


Turns out, I wasn’t the only one listening. Moments later, a tough-looking waiter passed by their table and told them bluntly “Wacheni umama! Mnabonga vitu gani hizi sasa.”

Wow! That waiter must have really been unafraid to lose his job. The male moshene-mongers were taken aback by his statement. They didn’t expect it.  They didn’t even respond. They were ashamed. After a short while, they paid and left.

The waiter was totally right. Men shouldn’t gossip like that. It just looks bad. Feminists wouldn’t be okay with calling this behavior umama though. If there’s umama, then what’s ubaba? Why has anyone never been told “Wacha ubaba?”

Feminists might have a point. But that’s for them. Personally, I completely agree with the waiter. There are men who really enjoy gossiping. You can’t help but wonder why.


So, why are men prohibited from gossiping while women are allowed?

Personally, I’d say that there are things which are just ‘girl things.’ They don’t look good on men. For example, a woman can easily tell her group of friends “Girls, let’s go to the washrooms kidogo.” They’ll all go together and see nothing wrong with that. A man can’t say “Wasee, si tuende hivyo washrooms kiasi.” Tuende washroom? What do you mean?

Women can also take pictures with their legs curved and lips pouted while men can’t. You get the drift?

Man shall not gossip. It’s an unwritten commandment. I bet God didn’t put it together with the others because he figured that it was common sense.

Real men discuss ideas and things, they don’t discuss people. They discuss politics, business, cars, houses, football etc. They don’t talk about how Marto did what and what on which day.

Guys, stay away from gossiping. Most importantly, Be happy for others.