CITY GIRL: Ladies, that baby will not make him stay
I am willing to bet my entire year’s salary that most Nairobi men are married to the wrong woman. They are married to the woman who got pregnant with their child and duped them to marry her for the sake of the child.
I know this because I have seen it with friends. You are a savvy young man dating this nice girl from the marketing department in your workplace. She seems okay but you are not in love with her.
After a few months of dating, she begins to ask you questions like “Where is this relationship headed?” You have no clue because if you were madly in love with her, you would already have hinted that you wanted to marry her.
You might be living with her in your house, but only because it is a try-sex marriage. Plus she can iron your clothes in the morning and warm your bed at night. But you wouldn’t really miss her if she was not around.
You are just with her because you like her. And she is cute so you don’t mind a little eye-candy to impress your boys.
She is not dramatic like that heartless beauty who is your fiery ex-girlfriend and she can cook chapos. You like having her around because of the regular coitus and because you are guaranteed to come home to a hot meal and a fridge full of food.
She doesn’t make your heart do backflips or your palms sweaty. You have not exactly thought about the future with her because you want to wait for the woman who will drive you crazy.
After all, you are only 29 years-old. You have another three years before you can start thinking of settling down. And definitely not with her! She is just not the one. And she knows it.
But because she is also 29 years old (or older) and the cliché biological clock is ticking, she makes plans. Her plan is to get a baby and husband before the age of 30-years. All her friends are married. Since you are not serious with her, she takes matters into her own hands.
So she pulls a move that will leave you reeling in confusion for the rest of your life.
She gets pregnant.
Wasn’t she on the pill? You ask her. “Oh, you know how these pills are. They are not a hundred per cent foolproof,” she says.
Poor guy. You are trapped.
She knew where to hit and she hit it right. She knew that you would never live without your child. You have to marry her now. She is pregnant with your child and you have no choice.
And that is how many Nairobi men are not married to the woman they love, but the woman who refused to leave the house. The woman who got pregnant.
You try to love her. You really do. You try to be faithful. But you cannot get over her deception and her lies. You just cannot believe she made plans for your future together without involving you.
A few years later, when you have finally accepted your fate, baby number two comes along. You think something, anything, will change but you are in for a rude shock.
Dear women, this is for you. Stop trapping men with pregnancy so that they can marry you. Listen, if a man loves you and wants to be with you, nothing can keep him away.
But if a man does not love you and wants to leave, nothing can make him stay. Not even a 3 kilogram bundle of cuteness and joy.
Eventually, that man whom you trapped with a baby so as to keep him will cheat on you with the woman he loves. If he doesn’t leave you first.
He may be the dream guy with potential. Women don’t fall in love with what they see; they fall in love with his potential.
If he looks like he can be a CEO in the next 10 years, it won’t matter if he is junior staff right now. We will marry him anyway, because we see the future.
So you see the potential in this guy, but unfortunately, he does not see the potential in you. He has made it clear that he does not intend to settle for another two years and has told you he is not a ‘commitment guy’.
So you decide to take matters into your own hands and skip the pill. You get pregnant, knowing very well that he was not planning for a future with you.
But because he is a nice guy, he marries you anyway. In a white wedding because your parents are staunch Catholics who do not believe in sex before marriage (haha!).
You are six months pregnant, you look like a whale in that maternity wedding dress and him, a cornered young man who has no idea how he got here. You think you will be happy. That he will change as soon as he sets his eyes on that cute little baby. Wrong move, girl!
He won’t change. A baby might warm his heart; that little girl may tag daddy’s heartstrings, but you? You will remain the conniving, calculating and cunning woman who duped him into a marriage he had not planned for.
He may learn to love his family along the way, he may forgive you for bringing into the world the most adorable set of twin boys into this world, but he will never love you.
So ladies, respect yourself. Your biological clock might be ticking and you could be attending more baby showers and weddings than dates, but that does not give you reason to trap a man with a pregnancy.
He may cave in for the first few years of your marriage and you might think that you got away with it. But that’s just a false sense of security.