Nairobi News

The actual meaning of character development is the process of creating and evolving the personalities, behaviors and traits of fictional or real individuals over time. In this instance, a person’s communication skills, conflict resolution, adaptability, emotional intelligence, financial literacy and resource management are some of the things that are honed.

But in the relationship realm….character development is a whole other animal. It cannibalizes relationships and leaves no flesh on the bone. It guts out hearts, leaves emotions tattered on the floor and eyes dry and glassy. It is a monster that humiliates, destroys esteem and self worth and leaves hearts bitter with shame and fear. Character development is no joke. It’s a beast.

Also read: Shocked as Kasarani man, 29, sets himself ablaze

Cleophas Malala approves leadership changes at Nairobi Assembly

Some might argue that this character development often happens after someone publicizes their partner to their wider circles off and on social media- exposing the relationship to external factors that may interfere with it. One day you are confident about your romantic partner and their feelings for you, the next day- after introducing them everywhere or revealing them on social media- they either ghost you, begin nitpicking at the relationship or begin gaslighting you. The relationship begins turning sour and your partner begins exhibiting signs of being a sociopath, is negligent with you and at the end of the day, they cheat on you.

Dear ladies, does this situation resemble something you went through? Something your friend or relative went through? Have you seen men who behave like this once his relationship is officially publicized? Well, Nairobi News is here to argue for why you should- or should have- loved that man in private and kept him away from curious eyes.

1. People can’t destroy what they don’t know- By keeping your relationship private- not a secret- it gives you space to love and build in private. Some people do not understand the meaning of boundaries and when they see how great your relationship is or how mannered your romantic partner is, they may embark on a mission to destroy your relationship so that they can have your partner for themselves. Your relationship’s grass is greener than their barren romantic life.
2. You will have lesser romantic competition for his affection down the line- Men are visual beings, its as simple as that- and character development is the middle name for many of them. Introducing them to many other females within your circle might trigger an infidelity curiosity in them to test and taste what others can offer him- if he is the type to lust after other women. You can reduce the likelihood of this character development happening by first establishing your relationship, your expectations and your boundaries involving people of the opposite gender.
3.  By keeping your relationship private for a while, this will give you space and time to see if you are both compatible to run up the aisle together and walk into the golden sunset together or determine if the relationship shouldn’t move past the 100 days mark. Some relationships are not meant to be long term and you can avoid the pending character development by not forcing things but taking your time to see how compatible you are. The minute you publicize the relationship, then you will not only have to live up to the relationship’s internal expectations but society’s as well. Will you now marry? Plans for kids? Walking away will be harder down the line.