Nairobi News

You are 23 but because you were a high achiever in high school and participated in the University’s debate and social welfare club, you are confident you can argue your way into an older woman’s Toyota Harrier vehicle.

You have no qualms that she was probably your mother’s senior at the nursing or teaching college back in the 70s or 80s because your heart- and spleen- do not know how to behave when you see her alloy rims roll around the corner as she heads to her home, four doors down from your mother’s house.

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Kinuthia, you are daring. You are a bold go-getter who does not know how to spell ‘feiliya’. You believe in achieving success by all means- even if it means changing routes between your house and the tuck shop to avoid that gorgeous, curvaceously built 22-year-old Mukangala from Nyadorera who makes you question your sense and sensibility; and why you prefer aged, fine wine over spring chicken females.

But because Mount Kenya decided that Kinuthias are children who are optimistic, inspiring, outgoing and have a way with words to easily influence and persuade other people to do things- you decide you will embody this name and take on Aunty wa Harrier. But you are 23 and she is in her 40s, 50s and 60s. It doesn’t matter to you. She is fair game as long as she is the other gender- it helps she is hotter too, right?

Kinuthia, you are the prize!

No doubt about it…but how will you go about getting Aunty wa Harrier to unwrap you?

Here’s how you can approach her and successfully get her into a situation with you as you debate whether Mukangala could also be worth it because you are Mount Kenya’s gift to Siaya and Busia counties.

First off, other than checking out her great taste in alloy rims on her Harrier as she heads to her guild’s chama, check in with your confidence, respect and sensitivity; and relate them to her age.

How you approach younger women is definitely not the same way you will approach older mature women.

These older ‘mamas’ have seen it all and can smell out jokers who want to misuse them because they have the necessary life experience to match- especially if she is a divorcee or simply chooses not to be tied down in serious relationships for one reason or the other.

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With older women, your tongue must be refined, not smooth (you may want to consult your elders about this on the sly!).

You must show her your genuine interest and respect as opposed to some younger naïve women who get swept away with a dimpled smile and a promise of a movie date on a Sunday evening.

On this mature, older woman front, your white lies will not fly. You must come to her with 1000% honesty. This will arouse her curiosity- why would a younger man be interested in her? Be as open as possible without being vulgar.

Why do you want her, what do you want from her and what will she gain from being with you as opposed to that Probox-driving millionaire farmer in Nyandarua who has been sending her potatoes every Wednesday?

You are young Kinuthia, but you must show maturity in this instance. Show her you’ve got some degree of emotional intelligence in how you handle life, conflicts, opportunities and challenges- especially the challenges that will arise with your age difference if she does accept you.

And by accepting you, she is not looking for a sugar baby. She is looking for a lover. She probably already has her own babies or never wanted any to begin with. Do not seek her out with the intention of being one.

Once she does say yes, how then do you successfully date her for a long period of time before she decides to drop you off at the curb with her Harrier?

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In pursuit of your personal life ambitions, remember to support hers as well. It might not be financially or physically but you can be an emotional anchor for her as she goes about pursuing her own interests and goals.

At this time, you can also keep the romance alive. Do not think that because she is older, romance and sex are afterthoughts for her.

She might not have had the opportunity to actively pursue them before your arrival but since you are with her now, keep the spark alive with affectionate gestures, romantic plans, and surprises- remind her of what she hasn’t had in a while and show her what is new in the romantic scene.

As this relationship tends to be frowned upon, you will need to muster up all the strength you will need to embrace all the changes that will come with being in such a relationship.

Your ability to adapt and be flexible will be tested to the limit because she won’t have all day to play around with you. She is busy and you’re probably completing campus- very big schedule differences.

You will also have to learn how to grow together with her and be willing to learn from each other. Because you are younger, you will have much to learn from her- and she will be an asset to you, do thank her often- compared to what she might learn from you. But make sure as the relationship is growing serious, evolve with her at the same pace.

Don’t let her start nagging and dragging you to catch up on being a better boyfriend and so forth. As she changes, you should adapt and change too.

Your youth is an asset to you in such a relationship compared to older men who tend to be set in their ways- and tend to be avoided by many women, including their age mates.