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My boyfriend was dating another girl

Dear Michael,

I recently found out that my boyfriend of four months had been cheating on me with another girl who claims to be his girlfriend of seven years. I feel depressed and I have decided to leave him. The problem is that the girlfriend has been threatening me saying that she will make sure I pay. I had no knowledge of their relationship. What do I do? Sherry.

Dear Sherry,

You are thinking in the right direction; quitting the relationship. But some clarifications please: Did he confirm or deny your discovery? Have you talked to him about it?

Are you basing your decision on her claims alone? Might you be doing what she just wants you to do as part of a deceptive plan?

Your decision to leave or to stay ultimately depends on how much you trust your man and how certain you are about the information you have received.

Act where you can, regarding the matter, and let go of what you cannot influence.

Whichever decision you make, be swift to accept the outcome; admit your contribution to the outcome; be honest and address your feelings – cry if you must, and forgive; and find social activities and friends to be with to remind you that there is still plenty of good in this life. 

Don’t let her threats become an overwhelming concern. How serious are they? Have they been made verbally or in writing? Would you be able to present evidence if asked? 

It may be advisable to file a report with the police and let her know of your action. If the threats continue, then there would be a basis for the police to pursue the matter in your interest. 

Sherry, don’t doubt your innocence, evaluate your level of trust in the man, don’t underestimate the devious intent of the girl or the seriousness of her threats, decide whether you’re staying or not and whether you are going to let the police know about the threats, but by all means, say No to depression.

Do you have a pressing personal problem? Seek advice from Michael Oyier at