Nairobi News

Baby mamas are always the subject of scorn, even if the relationship ended because of the man. For being the weaker gender, they are the target of criticism, mockery and unwarranted sympathies.

Often, baby mamas are the parents who stayed. They carried the child and it would be near impossible to give them up to be cared for by anyone else just because of the end of a relationship.

And so, baby mama soldiers on, hustling and working to make a living to provide for the baby in the instance the father decides he “was not ready to be a dad or in a serious relationship with her”. Her relationship status will not define who she is as a mother and a provider.

But somewhere down the line, these men show up again… can either be the baby daddy who saw some light that did not provide him with guidance or a guy who expresses an interest in this woman raising her children.

In such scenarios, the lives of the mother and her children are once again altered to accommodate the existence of a man in their world. And sometimes, these men do not come with good tidings and end up making much more of a mess of things for the baby mama.

Nairobi News lists some reasons why men who come into these women’s lives half heartedly or with hidden agendas must stop misusing these mums:

1. A baby mama is not your back up plan! Just because you had a child with her, it does not mean you get to have easy access to her private and intimate life. She is neither your back up plan when some other woman rejected you nor is she your back up plan when you have to settle down in marriage and family life to meet society’s expectations or age caught up with you. You are only setting her up for emotional damage; and molding her into an angry, bitter woman who will bleed her wounds on other people.
2. Baby mamas are not your maids to pick up the slack where you fail to carry out your responsibilities. You cannot manipulate, pressure or force her into handling your responsibilities just because you do not feel like paying for the children’s medical and educational needs, spend time with them in favor of going to a party or trip; or because you are “not wired” to be a father.  You are physically, financially, mentally and emotionally straining her to breaking point, forgetting that she is the primary parent. If she breaks, will you take in the kids and care for them like she did?  It took two to tangle, it must take two to raise those kids. Maids get tired too!
3. Disappointed kids – By turning your baby mama into a maid service as in the instances mentioned above, you are also raising disappointed children who will grow weary of you and the world. Eventually, they will grow to love their mother more than you (baby daddy) and even resent or hate you for how you interact with all of them. This may be of their own free will or may be influenced by the angry, bitter baby mama mentioned above. If you are not the kids’ dad, hurting their mother will also have the same effect on them because you bonded with them. Breaking up with their mum means you are also breaking up with the kids so think twice before you flirt your way into a relationship with her that you did not intend for it to be serious.

Men- baby daddy or not- must learn to respect baby mamas for the heavy responsibilities they bear, especially if they are the primary parents. For baby daddies, their support must be seen and felt, not be spoken of on the rare telephone calls to simply ask how the kids are doing.

For other men, if you don’t intend on building a life with a woman, fully knowing she already has children, then don’t seduce her into a relationship. You will only leave a trail of broken hearts behind.