A netizen’s hilarious guide to Nairobians in Mombasa this festive season
The festive season is here with us once again and most Nairobians will be performing the annual ritual of enjoying the moment with family and friends in shagz.
While a good number of Nairobans have already arrived in shagz, there are those who have just landed in at the coastal city of Mombasa.
During the festive season Mombasa will be flooded with the ‘upcountry’ folks (read Nairobians) who as usual will stand out like a sore thumb, hard as they will try to blend in.
So if you are among those planning to go to the coast this holiday season, do not fret as one netizen has come up with a whole list of things a Nairobian who wants to fit in should know.
They include being conversant with some of the demographic features of the city, mastering the local lingual among many other things.
Here is the full list:
1. Ferry watu hawalipi – ni bure kama Maziwa ya Nyayo.
2. Likoni is still in Mombasa – Olight?
3. Mwanahamisi is not the daughter of Hamisi – ni jina kama yako tu. Thathawa?
4. Beach sio Pirates peke yake – kuna Nyali, Shelly etc. So msijazane huko hadi mnakosa hewa ya kupumua.
5. Kababu sio Grandpa/Guka – ni kitu ya kukuliwa/snack.
6. Kuna difference ya nazi na dafu – ulizia kabla ya kununua nazi ukifkiria ni madafu. Sawa?
7. Kuna tofauti ya mnazi na nazi pia – mnazi ni ‘fobe’, ilhali nazi ndio tunda… ilhali mmea wenye hizo nazi humea pia huitwa mnazi. Sawa?
8. Nyali Bridge haiko Nyali estate – so usiende kuitafuta huko. Lol!
9. Ukiskia makanga anasema Mbololo ujue anasema Bombolulu – so ka huendi huko usipande.
10. Ukiingia kwa mat usishinde ukisumbua makanga ati akushukishie sjui wapi. We ukifika stage yako gonga gonga gari utashukishwa… huko sio Nairobi, Nyeri ama Shamakhokho m-bara wewe! Lol!
11. Kahawa tungu hua haiwekwi sukari priss – unakunywa na hio uchungu yake na kama huwezi wachana nayo… kunywa ma chai umezoea… holait?Alafu huko hawajui ndengu ni mnyama gani… zinaitwa pojo.
12. Hakuna kitu kama “nipee mchele na nyama” kwa hoteli – utapewa mchele haijapikwa… hua inaitwa wali… hokei?
13. Hizo vitu mnaitanga viazi za yellow huko Nairobi – hapa huitwa viazi karai, sawa priss?
Finally… ushawahi skia mahali kunaitwa Chuda? Haya we ngojea mat Imeandikwa Chuda… utangojastage hadi New Year! Hua inaandikwa Tudor. Sawa mtu wa bara?