Nairobi News

When a man cheats, it’s for sex. But when a woman cheats, it’s for love. It’s no wonder why a man gets hurt more when he discovers that his woman has been unfaithful. 

As offended as a woman may get when her man cheats, it doesn’t quite hurt as much because at the back of her mind, she knows that it was out of lust and the thrill of the game. 

I want to be the devil’s advocate here and look into the real reasons why more women nowadays, than men, cheat. To your surprise, women nowadays cheat for the same reasons as men. Touche. 

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At the onset of marriage, no one prepares you for how many changes you go through as a wife, and that you have to go through it times two because your partner is too. Sometimes you can roll over in bed and feel like you’re in it with a complete stranger, and your fear is that they are feeling the same way. You can’t decide if you still love them or who you loved when you were someone different and since the questions are all so complex, it’s not as simple as ‘just leave.’

So, you choose to stay and try and make it work, as best as you can, while still trying to get the needs that the ‘new you’ has, which is where a new man comes in. He fulfills the woman you are at the moment and the desires of this new version of you. Your husband may satisfy the woman you once were, and still are in some ways but doesn’t necessarily understand the needs of this new you. I’m not saying that it’s right. I’m just explaining that infidelity can be really complex.

Also read: Long term love – When the ‘spark’ goes off

I recently talked to a friend who is engaged but has secretly been having sex with her ex-lover, and dare I say love in this day and age seems more and more like an illusion. This friend of mine justified her reason for cheating as “harmless”, and I came to realize that the cold truth is a lot of women cheat, and that’s why they’re always paranoid about their man doing it. And guess who a lot of them cheat with? Their ex. 

“There’s a chemistry between me and my ex that has never gone away. So, why not just marry him? Because chemistry is all we have. We wouldn’t be good partners or parents, but there is something about him that I haven’t found in anyone else and so until I’m officially a ‘Mrs.’, I see it as our last call,” this friend of mine, whose identity I choose to keep private, told me. 

The curse of being a virgin

Many women might come at me for this but the truth is that the downside to still being a virgin when you get married is a part of you always wonders if you missed out by not having sex with other people. 

When you first have sex with your husband, whether it’s good or bad, your mind can’t help but wonder how it would feel with someone else. Your inner freak is unleashed and ready to explore, only that you have already been cuffed for life, and the problem is you will always feel like something is missing. So one day, you get attracted to a guy, and so you start having an affair. The sex with the new guy is so good that you don’t know how to stop. Soon, your heart gets entangled because as women we naturally gravitate to what gives us pleasure and satisfaction. 

The denial of long distance 

People say that long-distance relationships don’t work. I think it’s more like it can be difficult if you expect your partner not to cheat. Let’s say you’re in the kind of relationship where your boyfriend or husband doesn’t have as high of a sex drive as you do, and so, at least according to him, he can go several weeks without sex but you can’t, now that’s trouble in paradise, and the last thing you want is to be grumpy at work because you’re not getting laid. 

So, as a woman, what you’ll be drawn to do is more about sex maintenance than anything. The reasoning here, of course, is that you don’t want to end your relationship with your partner, more like having a sex placeholder until your partner can be reunited. When that happens, the placeholder will be discarded. It’s just needs. 

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