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Secondary virginity and 5 other ways of overcoming separation or divorce

Depending on the intensity of the romantic feelings and the duration of the relationship, it is always hard for a couple to come to the decision to take a break from each other in separation or call it quits and divorce. Strong emotional attachments, loss of future plans that plunge one into grieving over the unknown, struggling with self-esteem issues, fear of loneliness, fear of starting over and the awkwardness that will take over when among common friends are just but a handful of obstacles that make leaving a relationship difficult.

But…some people power through and decide they are better off alone, be it temporarily or permanently. And so, they embark on the journey to healing and finding themselves once again. Nairobi News lists some ways that some people are known to use to mend their broken hearts and keep their sanity intact.

  1. Secondary virginity- Some relationships tend to be held together by intimacy and sex. Outside the bedroom, a couple may fail to be compatible. Upon breaking up, either party can decide to practice secondary virginity. This is the decision an individual who has had sexual experiences in the past to abstain from sexual activity again until a specific point in their life. It does not mean that the person physically becomes a virgin again. Rather, it is a personal commitment to refrain from further sexual activity until they have achieved some personal goals they couldn’t undertake while in a relationship.
  2. Rebound- The cliché has it that to forget about a partner, a person should immediately get under another partner. It is as casual as it sounds and sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Going for a rebound- the person you quickly turn to for romantic entanglements after breaking up- helps a broken hearted person keep their focus on someone else instead of their hurt feelings. Rebound relationships can help a person feel wanted, help them avoid loneliness and boost their self-esteem after a particularly difficult breakup.
  3. Sherehe- Many heartbroken people often turn to partying to lick their wounds. They drink, dance, have casual bedroom affairs and live life like it is their last day on earth as a coping mechanism. This form of ‘healing’ helps them distract themselves from pain and emotional distress upon breakup. Drinking provides them a temporary escape from sadness, partying boosts their self-esteem and spending time with friends provides them with a sense of companionship and a fun atmosphere to be in as opposed to a sad life.
  4. Retreats- Some people opt to go for solo retreats where they can embark on healing, self-discovery and personal growth. They are able to spend time away from prying eyes, gossiping mouths and fake friends who have no intentions of supporting them get through the breakup. A person is able to emotionally recharge, rebuild their confidence and set new intentions for their lives as single people compared to when their lives were about considering a partner before making a move.
  5. Finding Jesus- Alternatively, when all the above fail to work, a broken hearted person can turn to Jesus Christ. The Bible talks of Jesus’ unconditional love, forgiveness and redemption, compassion, comfort and a sense of purpose for all who follow Him. The Christian community also provides a supportive network of friends who can stand with a broken person, pray with them and encourage them to have strength and resilience. These are things broken people tend to look for after facing difficulties in life such as divorce.
  6. Focusing on work- At the end of the day, focusing on work, a business or taking on a project can also help a broken hearted person heal. This is because it provides distraction from negative thoughts and feelings, gives one a sense of accomplishment which boosts self-esteem and positive outlook on life, it allows them to have a new routine in their lives and allows them to become more socially interactive especially in times of emotional distress. After a breakup, some individuals may feel a loss of identity tied to the relationship. Work and projects can help them rediscover their individuality and build a sense of purpose independent of the relationship.
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