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The aftermath: Understanding what a cheater’s remorse is all about

By Winnie Mabel December 2nd, 2023 2 min read

Picture this with me.

You meet someone, interact with them for about 30 minutes and your pulse begins jumping all over the place- probably without your permission. Your palms become sweaty and you begin feeling breathy because you’ve never met someone who made you feel this way.

You don’t know if they feel the same way with you so you begin playing the guessing game- do they like me, do they not? (at your 30 years of age no less!) But surprisingly, they feel the same way too. And you both embark on what you both feel is the greatest relationship you will ever have in your lives.

Things are going great, mapenzi yanarun dunia and haters have nothing on y’all. That’s until you find out you were being cheated on by the very someone who was supposed to be faithfully yours. They thought you wouldn’t find out because the love bubble you had created for your relationship blew about the wind without any obstacles in sight. But appearances can be deceiving, yes? You find out they cheated and now they’re crawling back on all fours, expressing remorse for what they did.

You still with me? Cheater’s remorse is that profound emotional response experienced by individuals caught cheating. It’s a jumbled mix of guilt, regret and self-reflection- often triggered by the realization of the hurt caused to their partner and the damage inflicted on the relationship. You only have to read and watch what serial American cheater Tristan Thompson, the father to Khloe Kardashian’s babies, has been saying after he was outed as a cheat. He even mentioned feeling dirty after cheating.

This remorse goes beyond mere regret for getting caught. It involves a deep understanding of the consequences of their cheating actions and a genuine desire for redemption. The cheater may struggle with internal conflict in a situation where they seek to make peace with their wrongdoing while attempting to rebuild trust and healing the emotional traumas they caused in the aftermath.

Have you been cheated on, then? Are you still debating on whether you will forgive your partner or not? Do you want to know if they are remorseful of their actions and you can both work on healing the relationship? Here’s how you can know that they have cheater’s remorse:

You will find the cheater is sincerely sorry for their actions and deeply understand the impact of what they did to you. They would also acknowledge full responsibility for their actions without assigning blame and openly communicate about what happened and how they are willing to change and facilitate your and the relationship’s healing.

You will also note that they will work hard to avoid issuing any more lies to cover up about their lifestyle, all in willingness to get you to trust them once again. The cheater would be heavily invested in getting you to mourn, heal, accept what happened and then recommit to the relationship after they change their behaviors to become more accountable, transparent and attentive to you.

Be careful, however, that you are not being manipulated and gas lit to getting back into the relationship. Exercise wisdom here. Listen to your gut then follow heart.

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