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Xtian Dela: Beware of toxic parents

Social media influencer Xtian Dela, born Arthur Mandela Nyongesa, has responded to his mother’s claims that he cut communication with his family four years ago.

In his response to his mother namely Bishop Naomi Nyongesa, the YouTuber penned a blog on toxic parents.

Bishop Nyongesa in an online interview claimed her prominent son had completely gone silent on his family.

The suggestion appears to have been dismissed by Xtian Dela who then shared a few tips on toxic parents.

“As children, we rely on our parents for love, support and guidance. However, some parents can be emotionally damaging, leading to long-term psychological effects on their children. These parents are often referred to as ‘toxic’ parents,” he explained in the blog.

Xtian Dela then outlined what he said were seven points children should observe on their parents

The first sign is less appreciation and constant criticism, on each act a child attempts to do.

Number two is manipulation, he says, where parents try hard to get favours from their children at all costs.

“They may use guilt or fear to control their child’s behavior. They may also use bribery or other rewards to get their children to do what they want. This manipulation lead to the child feeling like they have no control over their own life,” the social media influencer said.

He also suggested toxic parents do not know their boundaries and are fond of sharing so much information with the aim of cornering their children to share their emotions with them.

“Such parents invade their children’s privacy, such as going through their children’s belongings without permission. This lack of boundaries makes children feel like they do not have a sense of privacy,” he explained.

In his fourth point, he says toxic parents neglect their children while failing to care for their physical or emotional needs.

“This neglect may lead to the child feeling like they are not important or valued,” he said.

The fifth point is blame shifting.

“They may also make their child responsible for their emotional well-being. This can lead to the child feeling like they are always at fault or responsible for their parents’ feelings,” he said.

The sixth category of toxic parents is gas lighting where parents minimize or deny their child’s feelings or experiences.

“They may also make their child feel like they are crazy or overreacting. This can lead to the child doubting their own reality,” he said.

The seven and last category is where parents may be too involved in the lives of their children to an extent that there is no separation even when one becomes an adult.

He asked his followers to ensure that they learn about these issues at an early age so that they can start the process of healing emotionally.

Dela’s mother says she took care of him after his father passed on.

“Arthur Mandela Nyongesa was born in 1990. Beginning 2019, he began disappearing for periods of time. When I told him to come home and visit us, he didn’t come often and would say ‘mum I’m very busy’ and I said its okay,” Bishop Nyongesa recounted.

“From there, he went silent and that is how I’ve never heard from him again. He cut me off, he blocked me and I saw it fit to go and appeal where Arthur can easily be found. Let him know that his mother wants him back,” she said.

She explained how painful it was for a mother to be without her child for four years.

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