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Forbidden Fruit: Why men still lust over other women, even in marriage

There’s one question that never seems to fade away: Why do men continue to lust over other women, even when they’re happily married?

While many may argue that men, just like women, have natural instincts ingrained in their DNA, I think it’s just a petty excuse men use just to get away with satisfying their so-called “primal instincts”.

Throughout human history, our ancestors relied on procreation to ensure the survival of their genes, and I can concur that these primal urges still exist today, lurking within the male psyche, sometimes causing their minds to wander towards other potential mates, even when they’re devoted to their partners, which I still argue is not an excuse enough.

However, there are different ways of looking at this. We humans have an insatiable curiosity for new things, and it applies to our relationships too. Men, like women, are drawn to the excitement that comes with something unfamiliar. This can unwittingly extend to desires, as men find themselves captivated by the mysterious charm of other women, which can be quite tempting.

Our minds are incredible playgrounds for imagination and fantasy, and even though within the boundaries of committed relationships, physical exploration may be limited, the power of the mind knows no bounds. Men often find solace in harmless daydreams and fantasies that allow them to explore their deepest longings without crossing any lines of infidelity. But that doesn’t always mean they’ll be subtle.

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I can use a perfect example of a recent saga among renowned Kenyan celebrities when content creator Milly Wa Jesus expressed displeasure with her husband Kabi Wa Jesus after he tightly hugged gospel artiste Nicah The Queen.

Speaking during the latest episode of their reality show ‘Oh Sisters’ Milly put her husband to task on why he hugged the singer as he complimented her waist. Kabi while hugging Nicah The Queen complimented her snatched waist and praised her for working on her figure.

“Umeworkia hio kiuno, mtu anaweza feel ukiwa umeishika tu hivi,” he stated.

Milly seemed to have been angered by her husband’s actions and called him aside to put him to task.

“You have done that a lot. Last week you did the same. This is too much. You can’t do that. It’s not about making her uncomfortable, it’s about making me uncomfortable. Because love you keep saying every time ‘oh love enda you work out, ju ya hio kiuno’ alafu sasa unaanza kucompliment viuno vya wasichana wengine mbele yangu,” she said.

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She also called out her husband for his behaviour complimenting other women’s waists in front of her despite warning him that his actions hurt her feelings.

“This is not the first nor the second time, the first time you did it nilikuambia. You said you were not aware what about today?” she posed.

“The first time you did it, nilikuambia. It was in public, the exact scenario. A very known make-up artist, tumeenda event but Kabi good to see you is not enough,” she added.

Society plays a significant role in shaping our desires. We’re bombarded with images of idealized beauty through various media channels, setting unrealistic standards that can leave anyone feeling inadequate. In our hyperconnected world, constant exposure to these images further stirs up desires, keeping the allure of other women alive and well, and looking at Kabi Wa Jesus, he’s just one of many victims of lustful desires. 

Another just example is one of Kikuyu benga artiste Samidoh and his wife Edday Nderitu. In as much as Samidoh was happily married to Edday, he still fell in love with politician Karen Nyamu and even went on to sire kids with her. There’s nothing such as having a polygamous nature, but rather men simply falling prey to their lustful desires and then make up the whole idea of ‘being polygamous’ just so as to justify their indecent acts. 

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