Nairobi News

Love is love. That is the phrase that is used to sum up all love- whether acceptable by society or not. But there are some people across the world who do not accept some types of love including love in the queer community, love outside their races and love with someone who is not a member of their tribe.

In Kenya, intertribal marriages tend to either work or not; and is often determined by how the families of the marrying couple react to the news and welcome the “outsider”. As is with geopolitics and socioeconomics, some tribes in Kenya simply prefer not to intermarry with some tribes based on stereotypes, politics and personal biases. You will find one region is often demonized for producing certain ‘types of people’ who they feel are not best suited to marry people in their tribe; and those that do persevere this stigmatization often overcome adversity to settle down.

Taking to X, several Kenyan men revealed their unsettling experiences with intertribal marriages- whether first or second hand. Nairobi News sampled some of their responses below:

“I went to (GEMA) the same dowry negotiation. Wueh! My people were told wakomae. It totaled to 600k and wat made it this high is the fact that the daughter is ‘very educated’. She hold a cert in ECDE in Teacher Training. She is 30yrs n still earning 12k,” revealed O.2.

“Intermarriages in Kenya will remain a pipe dream. Today I took my  friend for a family introduction in Central Kenya, I overheard the lady’s mother say “Wandehera mu***** kihīī gītari kīruu na nītwagukanītie” (You brought us an uncircumcised (man) and we had warned you!) That statement hit the deepest ends of my veins,” revealed E.B.

“Somalis never allowed me even to walk home with my Somali colleague home but they wanted to date my fellow nywele ngumu from down Kenya, who bewitched these fellows?” asked A.B.

“For me, her mother accepted me but her father refused me. She listened to her father despite our 6 years of dating. Settled with a fellow (tribemate) after months of dating. No regrets, she’s a blessing,” added D.K.

“This intermarriage thing remains a dream. My roommate in campus came from a family where their grandpa had said that no lady from outside the tribe should be married in the family. Guess what? His campus girlfriend was from another tribe. The r’ship was just a campus thing,” said W.

Many of the commenters revealed that the tribal stereotypes and demonizing were often perpetrated by their mothers who had preferences and dislikes of which tribes their children could marry into if not their own.

“My cousin is married to a man from another tribe. They even stopped attending family gatherings because some relatives couldn’t even serve him food,” revealed I.L.

Many went on to opine that intertribal marriages were hard hills to climb on and to avoid unnecessary strife in life, one should simply marry from their own tribe or boldly face a family and fight for your spouse- because they are the ones marrying, not their relatives.

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