Parents should stop enlisting first born children as assistant parents to siblings
This is another form of black tax. The tax where you begrudgingly have to do something for family because they told you they did something for you first; whether you asked for it or not.
Parents who did not mind family planning and ended up having several children within a short span of time are the top culprits of turning their first born children into assistant parents regardless of their age.
Bear me witness. I’m sure you have come across families on the road or in shopping malls and family entertainment joints where you see the father walking ahead of everyone else scouting their next stop, his wife following behind with the youngest child in her arms and her third born holding on to either her dress or her handbag… and shoring up the family is the first born, either pulling along the second born or carrying the child if the sibling is small.
There was no way baba watoto (the children’s father) was going to pay for a fun day or walkabout and have to carry a child in his arms, right? Wrong! This is what I mean. Why must the first born be subjected to being a guardian to a sibling they are probably just two years older than? Assigning the role of an assistant parent to the first-born child can deprive them of their own childhood and hinder their personal development.
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It’s crucial for children to have time and space to explore their own interests, develop their identity and enjoy a carefree upbringing. They were not born to take care of their sibling while mum goes out to hustle. They were not born to learn how to cook at age 8 while their age mates are out playing and developing socially.
Children should be given age-appropriate responsibilities that align with their developmental stage. Have them brush their shoes and sweep the house if they are in lower primary, not washing their siblings’ clothes while they played. Placing excessive caregiving responsibilities on the first-born can create a burden that is beyond their capabilities and may affect their emotional well-being.
Additionally, allowing siblings to interact and bond with each other without the first-born assuming a parental role can foster healthy sibling relationships. Siblings need the opportunity to develop their unique bonds and learn to navigate their relationships independently.
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Otherwise, you would be creating space for sibling rivalry to thrive as they age; and eventually, hatred that would transcend generations if not nipped in the bud at the earliest opportunity.
Each child deserves the chance to develop their own individuality and autonomy. When the first-born is constantly responsible for caring for their siblings, their own needs and desires may be overshadowed, hindering their personal growth and self-discovery.
Should you, as a parent, turn your first born into your assistant parent, you are basically destroying the formation of a healthy relationship between the two of you. Resentment may stir in your child’s heart and any opportunity to provide them with guidance, support and nurturing will be highly likely shot down. Blurring the lines between parent and child by making the first-born an assistant parent can confuse roles and impact the parent-child bond.
At the end of the day, each child in the family should have equal opportunities to receive parental attention, care, and support. Overreliance on the first-born to fulfill parental duties can lead to feelings of resentment, inequality and neglect in the other siblings.
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