Nairobi News

We are specifically speaking about married couples because some people get married thinking they will be engaging in intimacy daily.

There are many married couples out there either getting some up to three times a week (when the mood is right and often when the household needs are not an issue) or suffering dry spell not seen this side of the Sahara, unlike the last quarter of 2023 when Kenya suffered drought.

Believe it or not, married couples can go months without engaging in intimacy- and they share the same bed every night unless otherwise upon prior notice.

Daily monotonous routines, child care, and managing careers, including the domestic manager’s and life’s burdens outside the home, greatly impact the sex drive of a married couple.

Most of the time, this hits the wives before men because of the amount of non-blue collar workloads they have to handle.

Then, instead of looking outside for greener pastures when the bed is arid and thorny, how can men help improve their wives’ libido in these instances?

First thing, you might want to pay special attention to your wife and try to connect with her non-sexually.

Most of the time, libido is impacted by mental and physical issues such as anxiety and exhaustion, and once you find things you can bond over and build emotional intimacy, this can jump-start her libido.

A ‘wise’ Kenyan on social media once claimed that sometimes, women’s libido is determined by how well her man treats and handles her. So handle your wife- relevantly!- and see champagne confetti everywhere.

Secondly, when her libido is on jump-start, you now want to shift your focus to her pleasure.

You might have experience with other women- hopefully before and not during your marriage- so you know not every woman can be pleased in the same way.

If you had been the 15-second type of husband, this is the time for you to find your voice and stones and ask your wife what pleases her during intimacy.

Don’t talk to her as if you are having a conversation about the prices of Unga. Wait for nighttime.

Darkness is a friend of intimacy and during this time, she may be bolder to open up about what she wants- it will help her a lot that she does not have to become shy in the darkness as she’s speaking, right?

Third, when the first round is good, to keep up the momentum, you now have to come up with a curriculum for her to keep peaking.

You can join her in couple’s exercises, go on diets with her known to improve libido, change your lifestyle habits to benefit both your libidos and sleep- a lot, preferably together.

And when all else fails, try and talk her into seeking professional help. She may be able to figure out things with a therapist that she won’t be comfortable sharing with you to get over that barrier impacting her libido.

Don’t push her into it and don’t get her Uji Power; but speak to her and allow her to come to the decision on her own that talking to a therapist would be for her own good.