Nairobi News

George Njoroge, a Kenyan man who identifies himself as a father, husband and the CEO of pan-African cyber security company East African Data Handlers, earlier this week warned his fellow husbands to be wary of gym instructors in the gyms where their wives work out.

In his hilarious narrative, Mr Njoroge argued that gym instructors were replacing husbands in the home by doing “warm downs” for their wives after working out at the gym.

Below is his explanation of how gym instructors are gaining the upper hand in the lives of married women compared to their husbands:

“Dear men, if you are married and your wife goes to the gym and you don’t, I have something to tell you. At the end of the gym session, there is what some gyms call a ‘warm-up’, while others simply call it a ‘stretch’.

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Your wife will lie on the floor facing up, her arms outstretched in devotion while the instructor stands between her legs.

He will then take one of her legs and stretch it as far as it will go until she makes a noise that I can guarantee you has nothing to do with pain.

He will then do the same with the other leg. He will continue to hold various parts of her anatomy, pushing and pulling them far apart as if he had paid a dowry for her.

Then he will grab both legs together and push them towards her head, so that she is in a pose straight out of Satan’s guide to adultery.

She will make that sound again!

You must see what these women wear in the gym to understand this pose. The institution of marriage is being burnt alive in these gyms.

When she is done, in a voice your wife has never used when talking to you, she will say goodbye to him and assure him that “kesho tutafanya ile ingine (tomorrow we will do the other one)”.

She will have a genuine smile on her face and his fisi enzymes will be at their most aggressive. As an elder, I must warn you that gym instructors are replacing us! Either we go to the gym with these ladies or we ban gym visits altogether. Don’t say the servant of the Lord didn’t warn you,” said Mr Njoroge.

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Nairobi News collected some of the reactions to Mr Njoroge as seen below:

“Aki vitu husumbua wanaume sasa gym nikitu ya kukufanya insecure shuwariiii. Just warm up aiiii,” said Racheal Nzina.

“I agree with you 100%,” added Sam Mbugua.

“Where can anyone get a copy of ‘Satan’s Adultery Guidebook’? It sounds like a pretty good book, but we already have gym memberships elsewhere. Thank you!” said Greg Saul.

“Wololo……am yet to see a child that resembles a gym instructor,” added John Maina.

Some of his followers revealed that they had told their wives to cancel their gym memberships, while others said they would now join their wives at the gym.

Some women said that since they do not complain about the provocative massages they receive from hairdressers, their husbands should not complain about them working out at the gym.