Nairobi News

Infidelity is hard. No matter whether it was a short, long or marriage relationship. It’s even worse if it blind sided you. You noticed no signs that your partner was stepping out on you, you find out that some people in your circles knew about it and they said nothing about it. You are left dealing with searing grief. You loved this person to bits and did everything you could to share happiness.

And do you embark grieving a relationship that served you, that you saw culminating in a lifetime together. You don’t know where to begin talking to your unfaithful partner. You have no energy to shout, to be angry or be frustrated. You are simply sad and withdrawn.

Contemplating on what went wrong, if it could have been nipped in the bud before the affair bloomed and by some miracle, you begin wondering if the relationship could be mended- of course, after the unfaithful partner’s one million phone calls, confessions and apologies, and his quest for your forgiveness.

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You’ve gone through the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – and at the end, you consider actually forgiving your partner and work on mending the relationship. Here is why it could actually be a good thing for you to forgive your partner this once if this was the first time they cheated:

If there is a strong foundation of love, emotional connection and commitment in your relationship, you could consider being willing to forgive your partner’s infidelity in an effort to preserve and strengthen your bond. This is because the relationship is worth fighting for and that forgiveness can lead to healing and growth.

Additionally, your recognizing that people make mistakes and that forgiveness is the only way that will allow your partner to learn from their actions will help them grow and rebuild trust with you. Being forgiving in this instance will probably prepare the pathway to a healthier future for the both of you.

Also read: Polygamy gone wrong – Lessons from Samidoh, Edday, Karen Nyamu drama

Choosing to forgive an unfaithful partner can be a catalyst for open and honest communication at deeper levels than before you found out about the affair. You can both address what led to the partner cheating, understanding the underlying problems and choose to work towards resolving them and strengthening your relationship moving forward.

While it may be hard and take a long time to forgive, unfaithful partners must know that being forgiven does not mean that their partner has forgotten what was done to them or that they condone their behavior. They will require serious effort and commitment in regaining any semblance of trust from their partner, learn to lead a transparent lifestyle and seek any help such as therapy if they can’t get the relationship back on track.

Ultimately, whether or not forgiveness is appropriate in a specific situation is a decision that rests with the individuals involved. There is no universal answer as every relationship and individual circumstance is unique.

Also, if they are unfaithful again, boot them. Hard. And go find your peace then thrive. Because if you forgive them a second time, this time the character development will be worse because they know you are capable of forgiveness. If they fool you once, shame on them but if they do it twice, then shame on you.

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