Nairobi News

Would you ever forgive your lover’s affair partner?

Would you ever sit down, self-reflect and rationalize that it is easier to forgive an affair partner and get over the infidelity than dwelling in the hurt and bitterness caused by your partner, hopefully soon to be ex?

Well, it would appear many people would answer yes to the above questions.

According to a 2021 research on ‘Why People Forgive Their Intimate Partners’ Infidelity: a Taxonomy of Reasons‘ by the University of Nicosia’s Menelaos Apostolou, not all revealed infidelity lead to the termination of the relationship but there were instances which led individuals to forgive their partners.

But, there were instances where infidelity led to the end of the relationship.

The research identified 32 reasons that could lead people to forgive their partners’ infidelity and was classified into four broader factors: having children, one’s own infidelity, reduced likelihood of infidelity and dependency on the partner.

“Furthermore, as reflected in the “Children” factor, if people have children, especially young ones, it could be beneficial to forgive their partners, so that their daughters and sons are not deprived of investment from both parents. This argument is also corroborated by the significant effect of the number of children, with a higher number of children being associated with higher scores in forgiveness across different reasons,” found the research.

This children factor is one the reasons Kenyan beauty and travel influencer Amira claimed to have forgiven all those who wronged her, especially her ex-husband, Jimal Marlow, following a highly publicized and scandalous affair with Instagram influencer Amber Ray, born Faith Makau, and their subsequent divorce.

“Let me tell (you) how divorce affected my kids to the point where I even had to take them for therapy! It has taken me a lot of work to be where I am mentally. By the way, if you know you wronged me (not mentioning any names), I already forgave you. Holding on to anger and resentment doesn’t do me any good. I am a free soul, I let God fight my battles and revenge for me,” said Amira in part on April 1, 2024.

This affair was one of the biggest public scandals for months on Kenyan social media a few months ago, and things were not made easy because Amber Ray worked hard to flaunt her affair with Amira’s husband on social media, going as far as engaging in online insults with Amira and engaging in altercations in the same estate they both resided in before Amber had to leave.

Amira then decided divorcing him would be the only way for her to overcome her tribulations.

And so, the question arises…as Amira claims to have forgiven all those who wronged her, and intimating this was heavily related to her divorce, is the same grace in forgiving extended to Amber Ray? Has she really left all this up to God and is no longer “holding onto anger and resentment”?

Or could this simply be a blanket statement to defend spending time with her infamous ex-husband and their friend who came to spend time at her house for an evening meal?

Forgiving a cheating partner, and dare I say, a lover’s affair partner is one of the most difficult challenges anyone who has been cheated on faces.

This is because it would require a tremendous amount of strength, self-reflection and a willingness to let go of anger and resentment- just as Amira claims to have done.

For some women, forgiveness is a way to release themselves from the burden of holding onto negative emotions.

It’s a process that often involves therapy, open communication with their ex/partner and a deep commitment to healing and moving forward.

Definitely, forgiveness doesn’t erase the pain or the betrayal but it can help women find peace and closure in their relationships.

Again, then, I ask, would you readily forgive your lover’s affair partner if you believe you are healed enough to forgive your partner for cheating on you in the first place? Do you think Amira could really forgive Amber Ray?